Forgotten guilt
by Ahai
Summary: At a pool party at Americas Japan see the scar on Chinas back. Japans guilt flare up.


Japan didn't feel comfortable. He, together with Italy and Germany, got invited to a pool party at America's house. Many other countries were there too, so America's house was pretty crowded. It was not only the number of nations that made Japan feel uneasy, it was also the attire for the party. All around him were all the others dressed half naked, both male and female. Miss Ukraine for example was very revealing. She almost had her breasts slid out from her bikini top, even when she didn't make any movements. Being around others who were so casual, and at the same time wore skimpy clothes, was not at all appealing for Japan. Japan wore a t-shirt and pants; he refused to let so many see him in swim attire.

"Oh Japan~ Why won't you loosen up a bit?" Italy said and side hugged Japan.

Japan cringed for being pulled into the almost naked Italian man.

"Please don't touch me" Japan mumbled.

"Italy, let go of Japan, you know he dislikes interfering with his personal space" Germany said.

"Veee~ How can others dislike hugs and cuddling?" Italy said disappointed and went off to socialize with other countries.

Even though Germany was still as strict and high as usual, he also wore nothing but some swimming trunks.

"_That combination does not fit…"_ Japan thought.

"I usually do not agree with Italy, but I wonder as well, Japan. Don't you feel a bit warm with pants and shirt on? It's awfully hot today" Germany said.

"I am fine" Japan said.

"Veee~ You are not alone, Japan"

Italy suddenly appeared again and clung to Germany. Japan blushed at the sight.

"Italy, didn't you go off to talk to others?" Germany asked a bit surprised as Italy was attaching himself closer to Germany.

"I did, but they didn't like hugs either…" Italy nuzzled Germanys arm.

"Anyway, as I went to the others I noticed that China wasn't wearing any swimming clothes either, he wore what he usually wears casually" Italy said.

Japans blushing face went pale. It has been so many years since he last spoke properly with China. They have met each other at meetings along with the other countries, but they never got real contact while doing so.

"Are you alright Japan?" Germany asked.

"Eh? Oh, yes…I am fine" Japan said.

Japan wasn't really sure if he was fine or not, he felt tense when he was near China when it wasn't any work related gatherings. As Japan he and China had to be professional around the other countries, but as Kiku anything could happen or be said when he was around Yao.

"

"Aiya, what was that for, aru?!" China exclaimed.

Seemed like America decided to cool down China since he threw a bucket of cold water over China.

"Seriously China, you were probably boiling with all those clothes on!" America said loudly and then broke down in laughter.

All the other countries started laughing too as they saw a dripping wet China with his heavier looking mandarin jacket sagging and his ponytailed hair flat and his bangs glued to his face. What amused all the countries more was Chinas face getting red as his anger rose.

"I am boiling now, aru!" China yelled angrily.

China twisted his ponytail with his hands to get rid of excess water and pulled his hair out of the ponytail. He also took off his mandarin jacket, making the other counties stop laughing and gasp instead. China had a huge cut scar on his back. It started at his right shoulder and ended at the left side in the mid-section of the back. China noticed the countries were looking at his scar but he didn't care, or, he pretended not to care. China twisted his shirt to get the water out and put the jacket around his shoulders, leaving his chest and abdomen bare.

The other countries stopped watching China after he covered his back and they all went back doing the things they did before. China sat down on a lounger so the sun could dry off him the rest of the water he couldn't twist out.

"Aiya…" China sighted.

There was one country who didn't laugh or smile during the situation, and that was Japan. He knew Chinas scar too well. Japan almost forgot the incident when he sliced China in the back all those years ago, but seeing it turned in to this huge, nasty scar made Japan feel guilty all over again. He remembered how happy his childhood was all thanks to China and then as soon as he became an independent nation he did this to China… Japan didn't was to interact with anyone after seeing all this, he was sure he would break down if someone talked to him. Also being around China wouldn't help at all for his bad conscience. Japan knew now why he never spoke properly to China anymore and vice versa, China most probably hated him for what he did. Japan went off from the party, he was never in the mood to party anyway and after the thing with China he would do him the favor of disappearing.

"

"Japan? Why are you here and why did you go?"

After some hours the party was over and all the countries were on their way home. Japan originally was on his way home but never got that far, he sat down on a park bench instead. Japan felt his heart grow heavier on the way and got tired from the walking. Italy saw Japan sitting on the bench and he asked the question wondering why he sat there. Japan looked down at the ground all hunched over and didn't move at all. He didn't even react when Italy spoke to him.

"Hello? Are you alright, Kiku?" Italy sat down next to him on the bench.

"I don't remember the last time he called me that…" Japan mumbled.

Italy got worried. Japan now reminded him of a zombie. Why wasn't Japan reacting when he spoke to him? Italy put his hand on Japans shoulder. That action made a violent reaction from Japan as he suddenly straightened up and looked desperately at Italy. Italy withdrew his hand off Japans shoulder. Did he really hate physical contact that badly?

"Are you upset because I touched you at the party? I am sorry if-"

Italy was unable to finish his sentence as Japan performed a sudden action Italy never thought Japan would ever do. Japan threw his arms around Italy and held him tightly. Japan started crying into Italy's shoulder.

"You pushed me away the first time I gave you a hug…" Italy said astonished.

"I don't care right now, please just hold me!" Japan said.

Giving hugs was no problem for Italy, especially when it came to comfort the ones who were crying. Italy put his arms around Japan and stroked Japans head. Japan cried a while into Italy before he calmed down enough to explain it all. Japan told Italy about what he did to China all those years ago, how awful he felt to see the scar on Chinas back and how the regret suddenly hit him really hard again.

"I never meant to do this to him, my bosses told me to do this in order to become an independent country. I don't understand why and how I could do this to him!" Japan exclaimed.

Italy smiled gently and dried Japans tears with his thumb.

"I am not really the one who should hear this, Kiku" Italy said.

"I don't know if I can say this to China, he doesn't want to see me" Japan said.

"How can you know?" Italy asked.

"He hates me" Japan said quietly.

"Kiku, I am sure China will hear you speak out the reasons and I am sure he wants to hear an explanation. The whole thing happened a long time ago, if he still holds any grudge towards you, it's probably not that bad. Go and talk to him" Italy said.

"I don't think I dare" Japan said.

"I will come with you one the way. Let's go"

Italy took Japans hand and started walking. Japan didn't resist and went along. Italy still was amazed of how Japan suddenly craved after touch.

"_He must be really sad…"_ Italy thought.

"

Japans heart beat rapidly. Chinas house bore so many happy memories of his childhood, and the house haven't changed at all.

"Okay Kiku, here you are. I am going to go so you can properly make amends with China but I won't be far away in case there is something. I wish you luck" Italy said and tapped Japan lightly on the shoulder.

Japan sort of wished Italy would come with him all the way, but if he was going to make amends with China, he had to do it all by himself. Japan went up the porch and was about to knock on the door but was stopped by a flashing memory. It was here he did it, he stood right here the evening he betrayed China. China cheerfully asked Japan to come in for supper as he stood there ready to slice him with the katana. China was confused and didn't understand why Japan was doing this and he didn't even do anything, even when he saw Japan was about to hit him with the katana. Japan fell apart on the porch at the memories and remembering the scream China did when the katana hit him. The guilt had completely taken over Japan, he was not able to do anything but lie on the porch in a fetal position, whimpering.

"What the…Japan, aru?!"

China had opened the door and his eyes immediately looked at Japan. China sat down on his knees and tried to calm down Japan.

"Japan, what's wrong? Japan, Japan!" China exclaimed.

"I am sorry, I am sorry!" Japan cried out.

China shook Japan violently and turned Japans head so he would look at him. Japan had tears streaming down his eyes and his usually soulless eyes were filled with despair and regret. Japan did calm down as he looked at China but his body was shaking.

"What is it, aru?" China asked calmly.

Japan sat up properly.

"Your scar…I didn't know I gave you such a scar…" Japan said.

"Oh that…it didn't heal well, aru" China said.

"I am so sorry I did that to you! I didn't want to hurt you, honest! My bosses told me to do it even though I-"Japan was cut off from his sentence when China suddenly gave him a hug.

Japan was dumbfounded. He hasn't been hugged by China ever since he was little. It felt odd, but mostly good, very good.

"I never thought you wanted to see me again after you became independent, aru. I thought you hated me" China said.

Japans eyes were blinded by new tears and he grasped Chinas shoulders.

"I could never hate you; you took care of me for so many years. I betrayed you, you're the one who should hate me" Japan sobbed out.

China let go of Japan and looked at him with teary eyes. Japan still held Chinas shoulders.

"I could never. You are my little brother and I love you, aru. I can never forget your betrayal, but I forgive you"

"Really?" Japan asked hopefully.

"Yes, now that you've come back I can fully move on. Oh, how I have missed you, Kiku" China said and hugged Japan again.

"I have missed you too, onii-chan" Japan said.

"

Italy watched the whole thing from behind a tree not far from Chinas property. Italy gave a smile as he saw China and Japan get up from the porch and walk inside Chinas house. Italy sighted contently.

"I didn't know the whole thing would be so much, but I am glad everything is alright now" Italy said to himself.


End file.
